


You're in My Veins (and I Cannot Get You Out)

by ConstantWriter85



Series: A Thousand Ways to Break a Heart [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breakup, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Depression, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Implied/Referenced Cheating, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:14:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26405584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstantWriter85/pseuds/ConstantWriter85
Summary: A fix-it sequel to A Thousand Ways to Break a Heart. I had a lot of fun writing that one as a songfic, and I wanted to make the sequel a songfic as well. This one's based on "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle.The song was originally suggested by one of my readers as a compliment to another one of my fics on here, and the more I listened to it, the more I wanted to write a songfic using it, because it fit these two so well. I had a lot of fun writing this, and to be honest, I just couldn't leave Bucky where he was at the end of "A Thousand Ways."Thanks for reading, I hope you like it!
Relationships: Eddie Brock & Reader, Eddie Brock/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: A Thousand Ways to Break a Heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919173
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	You're in My Veins (and I Cannot Get You Out)

You laid the key down on the kitchen counter and took one last look around the apartment you used to call home. Each inch, every nook and cranny, held a memory of your life with Bucky.

**_Nothing goes as planned, everything will break_ **

**_People say goodbye, in their own special way_ **

You thought he had been the one. Three years is a long time to be with someone if it wasn’t meant to be, and the breakup had taken you completely by surprise. A man can only take so much, though, and Bucky had finally gotten tired of putting up with your bullshit. You thought that you could be enough for him. You thought you could make him happy, but you were wrong.

Two weeks.

Two weeks since the worst night of your life, the night you found your boyfriend in the arms of another woman. You knew exactly who she was—Dottie, his ex-girlfriend, and seeing them together, well…

It seemed right. _They_ seemed right together. Dottie was drop-dead gorgeous, beautiful in a way you never would be and with a bubbly, outgoing personality to boot. She really was Bucky’s match in every way.

You stood there, completely and utterly devastated, your heart lying shattered on the ground. You couldn’t believe that Bucky— _your Bucky_ —would do a thing like that. It was so unlike him, and maybe that’s what hurt the most—the thought that after three years, he could turn around and hurt you like that.

It was like he never cared at all.

You would never forget the look on Bucky’s face when he unglued himself from Dottie’s mouth long enough to notice you standing in the doorway. Shock, horror, embarrassment, guilt—you could actually see the color drain right out of his face while he stood there, his arms still wrapped around Dottie as if he had been turned to stone.

Somehow, by some miracle, you were able to get your feet to move. You nearly killed a waiter, backing into him and almost sending you both to the ground, which only added to your humiliation. The walls were closing in on you, everyone was staring at you— _laughing_ at you. The mousy librarian who actually thought she was enough woman to keep a man like Bucky Barnes happy.

You heard him calling your name, and for a second you almost caved. The anger was starting to come now, though, and you didn’t stop. Out of the building and down the steps you ran like Cinderella running from the ball, and you dove into a taxi that had been miraculously waiting at the curb. Hell, it was a miracle you didn’t lose _your_ shoe and break your face on the steps while you were at it. 

It took every ounce of self-restraint not to smash every last object in your apartment when you got home. The only thing that stopped you was the knowledge that Bucky was probably not far behind. You couldn’t face him. Not now, and maybe not for a long time. Your heart was in pieces, your mind foggy and in chaos, the anger and pain and self-loathing swirling like water down a drain.

You kicked off your heels and took of that ridiculous dress, pulling on some jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. Hastily throwing some things in an overnight bag, you managed to make it out of the apartment and out onto the street before Bucky showed up.

As if he were even trying to pursue you anymore. Why would he, when he clearly wanted her instead?

The tears finally came in the taxi on the way to your friend’s apartment. You felt bad for the taxi driver, having to put up with your barely controlled sobbing, but you supposed he had seen worse. Needless to say, you were a wreck by the time he pulled up to Dora’s apartment.

**_All that you rely on, and all that you can fake_ **

**_Will leave you in the morning, but find you in the day_ **

Dora Skirth was your oldest and best friend. You had gone to college together, and from the minute you two met, you just _got_ each other. Dora was a timid low-level technician at the Life Foundation, a science geek if there ever was one, and most recently, your shoulder to cry on when you and Bucky started fighting.

Dora knew exactly what to do. Sweatpants and comfy blankets, two unopened boxes of your favorite cookies, as well as a couple bottles of wine. After nearly an hour of incoherent crying, you finally calmed down enough for her to get a question in.

“All right, what happened?”

It wasn’t judging or prying, it was just an invitation for you to word vomit your feelings all over her as you drowned your sorrows with sugar and cheap wine.

You spilled. Tears and anger came again as you replayed the last twenty-four hours for her, and through it all she sat there, silently encouraging you to rip off the proverbial scab. She knew things had been tense between you and Bucky for a while, and she honestly didn’t seem surprised about the breakup. The only thing she was surprised about was you catching Bucky in a lip-lock with Dottie.

“I really—I can’t believe it, Y/N. He seemed like such a solid guy, that’s not something he would do. What happened before? I mean, why did you even go to the party, I know you hate those things.”

The fight. It was all because of the fight.

You had been racked with guilt after it. Angry, yes, but mostly you just felt guilty. Bucky had said some unfair things and he had gotten a little mean, but it had been _you_ who had raised her voice. All he had been trying to do was to get you to come to the party with him.

“I…I guess I went because I felt bad about the fight. All he wanted was for me to be there with him, to support him, but I didn’t even try.”

“Crowds freak you out. You have a panic attack just walking into Starbucks, Y/N. Bucky should have known that.”

“I know, but he could never _understand_ it. That’s what we always fought about. He thought I didn’t like his friends, that I didn’t want to be there with him, and he couldn’t understand how it made me feel. He’s such a great guy, so attentive and sweet and caring…but he’s outgoing and I’m not. He could never understand why it was so hard for me…”

“So why _did_ you go?”

“Because I never tried, Dora!” You slammed your wine glass down in frustration. “I never tried, all I would do was make excuses and he…I…I didn’t want to lose him. So I went.”

Dora frowned. “You’re not making sense. What do you mean, you didn’t try? That doesn’t give him an excuse to—”

“I’m talking about the fight, Dor. We were both wrong, and I felt bad afterwards. Yes, Bucky should’ve been more empathetic, but I also never really gave it an honest shot. I just let my fear control me. I wanted to show him I was willing to try, for him—for us. So I put on the dress, got all dolled up and walked into that room, and there he was…making out with that bitch Dottie.”

Dora giggled at your language, and you snorted. The wine was getting to you both.

“She is _such_ a bitch,” she said. “Miss prissy pants…I’d be seriously surprised if she even had two brain cells rattling around in that big dumb head of hers.”

You both dissolved into laughter at Dottie’s expense. Gradually, though, it died off. You both drifted into silence, and you felt your eyes start to burn.

“I think we could’ve come back from the fight, but now…I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for what he did. I wish it weren’t like that, but all I can see is him with his arms wrapped around her, and it just…” you trailed off, fiddling with your empty wine glass.

“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?” It wasn’t a question so much as a statement.

“Yes, but he…I…how could he do something like this to me?” you said, your voice cracking. “I thought I knew him. I thought I knew what kind of person he was, but this…” Your shoulders slumped. “We’re just not meant for each other, that’s all. Bucky could see it, I couldn’t. We’re too different.”

“You guys seemed pretty compatible before…”

“He’s a fucking _Avenger_ , Dora. And I’m…well, I’m me. It’s an imbalanced equation any way you look at it.”

“Don’t use science against me,” she scolded as she poured you both another glass of wine and you shot her the bird. “Sometimes you’re able to equalize an imbalanced equation…if you add enough variables…or maybe it’s subtract…oh, what the hell am I even talking to you for, you’re a goddamn English major anyway.”

You stuck your tongue out at her. Dora scooted next to you on the couch and handed you a cookie before wrapping her arm around you.

“What are you going to do?” Dora asked.

You paused. Your mind had been revolving around that same question all night.

“I…I don’t know…can I stay here for a little bit?”

She pressed a kiss to your temple. “As long as you want, sweetie.”

You smiled your thanks to her. “I just…I don’t know what to do…”

“Has he tried to call you? Text you?”

You were honestly baffled that you hadn’t thought about that. Your phone was still on silent from the party, and you checked it.

“Eight missed calls, four voicemails, and twelve texts…all from Bucky.”

Dora whistled. “Are you gonna call him back?”

“No. I can’t.”

You just couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him, not yet. You both had made mistakes in your relationship, but Bucky had hurt you deeply, and you weren’t ready to forgive him yet. You weren’t sure if you would ever be able to forgive him for what he’d done.

Dora didn’t press any further. You finished off the wine and cookies, and she brought you some blankets for the couch. You settled yourself in for the night, wishing you could just turn back the clock on that horrible night.

You still loved him, and that’s what made it hurt so much.

**_Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out_ **

**_Oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth_ **

“Ready?”

Dora was right behind you holding the last box of your stuff. She was looking at you with a penetrating stare, as if she could see right through to your brain.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“Yeah…I do.”

You fiddled with the key for a moment before reaching into your pocket and taking out the necklace, the one Bucky had given you for Christmas…the one you had worn to the party that night. You set it next to the key on the counter, and walked out of the apartment without a backwards glance.

“Let’s go.”

**_Oh, you run away 'cause I am not what you found_ **

“I love you, and I’m sorry.”

For two weeks, Bucky had called and texted you, filling your phone with missed call alerts and unanswered texts. Every night, he would leave you a voicemail. The subject varied, but the general message was clear—Bucky knew he fucked up, he was sorry, and he wanted you back. He ended every voicemail the same way.

_“I love you, and I’m sorry.”_

Bucky stopped calling after you moved out. Your leave of absence at the library ended, so you just quit and found another job closer to Dora’s apartment. You couldn’t take the chance of running into Bucky on that campus, and you knew he still had another year left until he graduated.

You wished you could just forget him. Bucky’s texts and voicemails confused you—why would he try so hard to get you back when he was the one who hurt you in the first place? It had been so easy for him to toss you to the side, why was it so hard for you to let him go?

**_Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out_ **

Six months went by.

Your heart ached for him. Even now, Bucky was never far from your thoughts. You would see something you knew he’d find funny and a little smile would come to your face. A movie would play on tv and you remembered snuggling up with him on the couch, his arm wrapped securely around your shoulders.

Nights were the worst, laying there and remembering the feel of his body laying next to yours, the comforting heat of his arms wrapped around you. He made you feel safe, wanted…loved. You could see the way his eyes would crinkle at the corners and his nose would scrunch up when he smiled at you. You could still feel the softness of his hair as you ran your fingers through it, his head resting in your lap and a smile on his lips.

If you closed your eyes, you could almost hear the little sounds he would make when you kissed him on the soft spots just behind his ear and under his jaw. You could still feel him touching you, the warmth of his skin against yours, his hands sending trails of fire down your body as he kissed you.

Then you would see him kissing Dottie, and your heart would break all over again.

You thought things would never change…that you would never get over the inexorable hold Bucky Barnes had on your heart. That’s what you thought, until Dora introduced you to Eddie.

***

****

**_Everything will change, nothing stays the same_ **

“All right, we have some new people in the group today, I’d like everyone to go around and introduce themselves if they feel comfortable, maybe tell a little bit about why they’re here. Remember, this is a safe place. You can share as much or as little as you like, no one is judging you here.”

Bucky sat and waited patiently for his turn, nodding at a few of the regulars. The moderator was right, there were quite a few newcomers tonight.

Finally, it was his turn. “Hi, I’m Bucky. I’ve been coming here for…um I guess it’s been about six months now. I uh, I lost someone I really cared about because I pushed them away—I couldn’t understand their social anxiety, and I’m here because I want to understand. I want to be better.”

That’s what it had started out as.

After Steve had scraped him up off the floor of his apartment and he’d recovered from the hangover of the century, Bucky sank into a deep depression. It had gotten so bad Sam and Steve sat him down one night and didn’t stop pestering him until Bucky opened up about how guilty he felt and how much he missed Y/N. He didn’t deserve her, but he would do anything just to get her back.

“You really want her back?” Steve asked. “Then you’re gonna have to change some things. You need to be more understanding of her anxieties and her problems. You need to understand what she’s going through, so you can help her through those situations instead of weighing her down and making her feel guilty.”

Steve’s tone was severe and he was giving Bucky “the look” again, but even he couldn’t fault Steve’s logic—he’d already come to that conclusion himself.

“Yeah, but how?”

Sam rocked back in his chair, crossing his arms thoughtfully. “I’ve got an idea, but you’re not gonna like it.”

“Please Sam, I’ll do anything…”

“There’s a woman I work with down at the VA. She sometimes co-moderates our PTSD group with me, but every Thursday night she runs a support group for social anxiety—at the library on _your_ campus.”

Bucky was confused. “Aren’t support groups just for the people with the problem? I don’t—”

“Plenty of people go in support of a loved one.” Sam cocked an eyebrow at him. “Or sometimes they go because they fucked up a good thing so bad it’s the only way they’re ever gonna be able to change and get their girl back.”

“Okay, I get it,” Bucky mumbled, looking down at his hands.

**_Nobody here's perfect, oh, but everyone's to blame_ **

Bucky heard rustling at the back of the room as a latecomer entered. Everyone shifted a little as they sat down, but Bucky didn’t look up. His mind was on Y/N like it always was.

“Um, hi…s-sorry I’m late…”

Bucky froze. He’d know that voice anywhere.

“That’s okay, we’re just getting through introductions. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?”

“Um, okay…I’m Y/N, and uh, this is my first time here. D-Dora—she’s my friend—said it would be good for me to come. I lost…someone I loved because my social anxiety got in the way, and I w-want to get past this. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”

Bucky’s head shot up. There she was, standing across the circle from him.

She hadn’t changed a bit. Her hair, her clothes, that cute little habit she had of plucking at the hem of her shirt when she was nervous—nothing had changed. Bucky felt his face heat, and his lips twitched in a lopsided smile. God, how he’d missed her.

Y/N sat down in her chair, and she finally looked over towards him. Their eyes met and her mouth fell open slightly, her eyes going wide for a second before she composed herself. Bucky couldn’t help but notice the way the color left her face or the way she was wringing her hands together in her lap.

Bucky’s heart was pounding, and he had to clench his own hands together to keep them from shaking. He barely heard what happened during the meeting. Y/N was here…she was right in front of him.

_What if she doesn’t want to talk to me? This is clearly a coincidence, what if I make things worse? God, she looks so beautiful. I have to talk to her, I can’t just let her walk away again._

Finally the meeting ended, and Bucky was on his feet immediately. Y/N walked outside and he followed her, pausing a few feet away as she stopped at the edge of the library steps.

“Hi Bucky.”

“Y/N…Hi. You…you look good.”

Bucky cringed at his own awkwardness. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he shoved them in his pockets, rocking nervously on his feet.

“You do too. Your…your hair is longer.” She looked up at him with a little smile, and Bucky’s heart melted into a puddle on the ground. He blushed and tucked a loose strand behind his ear.

“Yeah I uh…I guess I just never got around to cutting it.”

Another smile. “No, I like it. It suits you.” She wrinkled her nose and pushed her glasses back up. “Um, how long have you been coming here?”

“A-About six months, I…” Bucky drifted off, wondering where he would start.

A thousand times he had rehearsed this conversation in his head, and now that it was here, his mind was blank. Before he could stop himself, his mouth opened and the words just started pouring out.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I was such a jerk to you, all I could think about was myself…I never once stopped and tried to understand how hard it was for you.” He reached up and tugged at his hair, not even realizing he was doing it. “I started coming here because…I don’t know, I wanted to know what you were going through. I wanted to be a better person.”

She looked up at him, her eyes wide, and for once Bucky couldn’t read them. Still, she hadn’t backed away from him, so he took a step closer.

“I just hate how things ended between us. I didn’t want this—I didn’t want it to end, but I fucked it all up. You accepted every horrible thing I’ve done, everything about my past and all of my flaws, but I couldn’t do the same for you. You didn’t deserve that. You deserve someone much better that the person I was, and I just…I guess I’m trying to be that person now. I miss you so much, Y/N, I miss you and I would do anything to get you back. I love you…I still do, and I’m sorry.”

Bucky wanted to reach out and take her hand. He started to, but when she made no move to let him he dropped his hand back to his side. It wasn’t going to be that easy.

“That night was the biggest mistake of my life. I don’t have any excuses for what I did, and I will regret it until the day I die. I am so sorry, Y/N, for the way I treated you. _I’m sorry_.”

Bucky clenched his jaw and ran a hand through his hair. “If…Look, I don’t have any right to ask you, but if there’s any way you think…maybe…could you give me another chance? We could start slow, maybe just be friends at first—I can wait until you’re ready. I love you with all my heart Y/N, and I—”

“Hey sweetie, meeting over already?”

Bucky froze and watched in horror as another man walked up next to Y/N and handed her a coffee, wrapping his arm around her waist. He was good looking, maybe a bit on the scruffy side, but he had an open face and his smile was genuine. Y/N smiled back at him faintly, but it was strained.

“Yeah, we just got done. Um, Eddie, this is Bucky, he’s an old friend.”

The man shifted his own coffee and held out a hand to Bucky. “Hey man, I’m Eddie, Eddie Brock.”

Bucky shook his hand, blinking dumbly at him. “Y-You’re—”

“The boyfriend, I guess. Been what—two months now, babe?”

Y/N shifted uncomfortably. “Yes, two months next Saturday,” she said flatly.

“Two months,” Bucky repeated. If Eddie sensed the tension in the air, he didn’t show it.

“So, how do you know Y/N? She’s never mentioned you before.”

Well, that was it. The dagger to the heart. Bucky felt lightheaded, his face and hands tingling. Y/N was as white as a sheet. Eddie was still talking, but Bucky didn’t hear what he was saying. Dazedly, he shook his head.

“I uh, I’ve got to go. I’ve got a…a thing,” he said as he backed away with what he thought was a smile plastered to his face. He couldn’t be sure. “Y/N, it was…it was good seeing you again.”

“Bucky, wait.”

He heard her, but he had already turned and was walking away. Bucky didn’t know if he wanted to scream, or cry, or throw up—or possibly a combination of all three. He had tried so hard to understand, to be a better man, but it wasn’t enough.

_Did it hurt you this much, Y/N? Is this what it felt like when I broke your heart? Because I’m pretty sure mine is back there on that sidewalk in pieces, and I have no one to blame but myself._

Bucky was too late. She had already found someone better than him.

***

**_Oh, all that you rely on, and all that you can save_ **

**_Will leave you in the morning, and find you in the day_ **

“Bucky, wait.”

You said the words, but there was no force behind them. Bucky was already walking away, out of your life for a second time. Eddie sensed your distress and he wrapped his arm around you.

“What was that all about?” he asked. Then he saw your tears, and he looked at you in concern. “Y/N, honey, what happened? What did he say—did he hurt you?”

“Once…he hurt me once, but not tonight,” you said, wiping bitterly at your face. “I’m pretty this time it was me.”

He pieced it together. “Wait—is that _the guy_? That was him?”

Eddie knew all about the man who had broken your heart, he just didn’t know his name had been Bucky. He still struggled with his own broken heart, and that’s what had initially brought the two of you together after Dora introduced him. Eddie still pined for Anne the way you pined for Bucky. Your relationship with him was comfortable, but there wasn’t any heat in it for either of you.

Technically you _had_ been dating for two months. It had started out as a solid friendship that had worked its way to a friendship with benefits, until you both decided to try dating—to try to see if there could be something more.

There wasn’t. At least, not with Eddie, and you suspected he felt the same way. You loved him, but it just wasn’t the same. He wasn’t Bucky.

Eddie ran his hands over your shoulders and guided you to a bench, his eyes flicking back and forth between yours. “What happened tonight?”

For a moment you didn’t say anything, you just sat and fiddled with the buttons on your jacket.

“Spill it, Y/N, you know I’m gonna get it out of you one way or another.”

You sighed. “He’s been coming to these meetings for six months. _Six months_. He wanted to understand…he wanted to be better…for me. He knew he couldn’t fix his past mistakes, but he was trying. He said he was sorry, and that he still loved me…and would do anything to get me back, even if it was just as his friend. All this time, he was trying to get me back, and I didn’t even know it.”

Eddie nodded, his lips twitching in a small smile. “Smart man. If I would’ve tried half as hard as he did to fix my mistakes, I probably wouldn’t have lost Anne.”

He knew you still loved Bucky, just as you knew he still loved Anne. Yours was a relationship built on mutual heartache. Eddie tilted your chin up until you were looking at him.

“You should go after him. You have a chance here Y/N, a real chance. He put himself out there, he’s really trying, and you’d be a fool to waste that opportunity.”

You bit your lip, looking up at him. He was such a good man, just not the one for you. “Eddie, I—”

He smiled, squeezing your arm affectionately. “I think we both knew what this was, between us—two sorry ass people with broken hearts, mutually licking our wounds and building each other back up. I’m always gonna be here for you, Y/N, but you’d be an idiot not to go after him. I’d give anything for a second chance with Anne.”

You launched yourself forward, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. Eddie chuckled and held you, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple.

“You better get going sweetheart, I certainly didn’t make your job any easier…prancing in here and calling myself ‘the boyfriend.’ I thought Bucky was going to faint.”

You laughed, surprised you even could after everything that had happened. “Well that’s what you were. And you were a great boyfriend—any woman would be lucky to have you.”

Eddie smiled a little sadly, knowing the only woman he truly wanted had already found another. “I’ll see you around, Y/N. You need anything, anything at all—you’ve got my number.”

**_Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out_ **

**_Oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth_ **

You took a taxi uptown to the apartment you used to share with Bucky. You hoped he still lived there—to be honest, you weren’t sure.

You didn’t want to call him or text him. This was a meeting that had to be done face to face. There was so much that remained unsaid between the two of you, so much heartache and potential.

You paid the cab, and then you were standing alone on your old street, looking up at a building that already housed a lifetime of memories. Your fingers grazed up the familiar handrail as you climbed the steps, and your breath hitched when you saw the name “J. Barnes” on the placard next to your apartment buzzer.

You rang it, but there was no answer. Bucky wasn’t home yet. Undaunted, you wrapped your jacket tighter around you and sat on the steps to wait for him.

**_Oh, you run away 'cause I am not what you found_ **

**_Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out_ **

You weren’t sure how long you sat there waiting for Bucky, playing with your phone, texting Dora to get her caught up on the situation. There weren’t many people out tonight—it was early December, and there was a chill in the air that hinted of snow.

You almost knew it was him before you saw him. Somehow, you recognized his footsteps, and you hastily shoved your phone in your pocket as he rounded the corner.

Bucky’s head was down, his hands shoved in his pockets. He seemed to sense something too, because he stopped about twenty feet from the steps of the apartment and slowly raised his head.

**_Everything is dark, it's more than you can take_ **

**_But you catch a glimpse of sunlight, shining_ **

**_Shining down on your face…on your face_ **

“Y/N? W-What are you doing here?” He blinked in confusion, looking you up and down.

Hesitantly you stood. “Bucky, we need to talk.”

For a brief instant, you saw hope flash across his eyes, before it was dampened again with grief. He truly thought he had lost you for good, and you felt your throat catch. You took a couple steps closer to him, searching for the words, but he cut you off when he noticed how hard you were shivering.

“Jesus Christ, it’s freezing outside, how long were you sitting there? You’re half-frozen.”

Bucky stripped off his coat and wrapped it around you. His hands brushed your shoulders, making you shiver for an entirely different reason. Bucky’s face was flushed, and you wondered if his heart was beating as hard and as fast as yours was.

**_Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out_ **

You caught his hand as he smoothed down the collar of the coat, making his breath hitch.

“Bucky,” you murmured, looking up at him.

His eyes were so impossibly blue staring down at you, and for a moment you just stood there, lost in their beauty. God, you had missed him so much, and to have him this close was almost more than you could bear. He was your home, your safe place.

“Bucky…”

His eyes were liquid with desire and a deep longing that tugged at your heart. Bucky exhaled heavily and reached a hand up to cup your cheek, and you saw he was shaking. His chest heaved, and he clenched his jaw to stifle the tears that threatened to spill over.

“Y/N…Y/N, why are you here? You…” Bucky swallowed visibly, trying to compose himself. “You’re with that guy now…I’m too late.”

You shook your head, reaching up to gently caress his hand. “You’re not too late, Bucky. My relationship with Eddie is…complicated, but it was never really about romance. You…you’re it for me, you always have been. I still love you Bucky, I never stopped.”

Bucky choked back a sob.

“I want to start over, Bucky. I want to have that second chance with you, because we both made mistakes.” He opened his mouth to object, but you cut them off. “Some worse than others, yes, but mistakes were made on both sides. I want to talk about that, and the issues we had. I want to talk about Eddie and Dottie, and everyone that came before and after. I don’t want there to be anything left between us Bucky, because I love you, and I want to make it work.”

Bucky looked at you as if you had hung the moon and the stars. “I want that too, Y/N. God, I love you so much…I want you back more than anything, but I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy…when I’m with you.”

Bucky was still shaking as he reached out to take your hand, holding it as if it were the most precious thing in the world.

“Can I…can I kiss you?” he asked, blushing like a teenage boy and looking one second away from tears.

You let your own tears fall. You didn’t care—these were tears of joy. Bucky reached up and cupped your face, gently wiping them away. His lips hesitantly brushed against yours and you closed the distance, sighing into a kiss that sent warmth shooting up from your toes, making your forget about the snowflakes that had started to fall.

**_Oh, you're all I taste, tonight inside of my mouth_ **

**_Oh, you run away 'cause I am not what you found_ **

**_Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out_ **

***

**One Year Later**

The smell of coffee woke you, and you curled deeper into the sheets like a lazy cat. You heard the bedroom door open, and you peeked out from under the covers.

“Good morning, Mrs. Barnes.”

Bucky handed you your coffee flipped back the covers, taking a sip of from his own mug before he set it on the nightstand and climbed back into bed, ignoring your grumbling as the cold air hit you.

“Snuggle closer then, doll—I’m like a furnace. I’ll keep you warm.”

He grinned lazily up at you as you settled into the crook of his arm and pulled the covers up to your chin. Bucky wrapped his arms around you, humming softly and playing with the ring on your finger.

The ceremony had been beautiful—small and intimate, with only a few of your closest friends and relatives. Steve, Sam, Dora, and Eddie had all been at your wedding…everyone that had played an important role in mending your relationship.

You were still good friends with Eddie, and even he and Bucky had gotten close. After the wedding Eddie had walked up to you, arm in arm with a pretty blond woman who he introduced as Anne. Seeing you and Bucky struggle and ultimately find each other again had given him the courage to try to make amends with Anne, and in the end she had taken notice. You all had changed so much.

Bucky continued to go to the support group with you, and communication had become a cornerstone of your relationship—a strength where you once had both struggled. You relationship with Bucky had never been the same after the night of the party, and although it took you both a long time to get over the hurt, you wouldn’t have changed a thing. It was stronger now.

You sighed happily, tracing the lines of his sculpted chest and making him shiver despite the heat beneath the blankets.

“So…what’s the plan for today, Mr. Barnes? It’s Sunday, Sam and Steve are having that huge football party later…”

Bucky looked up at the window where snow was beginning to accumulate, and he looked back at you with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Naw…it’s snowing outside, I’m nice and cozy here with you. I’m thinking…we wrap ourselves in blankets and pretend the outside world doesn’t exist.”

You giggled as he rolled over suddenly, pinning you to the mattress and peppering your face with kisses. Bucky paused when he got to your lips, kissing you with a slow heat that curled your toes.

“I love you, Y/N,” he murmured against your lips.

You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair and tucking a strand behind his ear, and action that never failed to make him blush.

“I love you too, Bucky.”

The snow continued to pile up on the windowsill, but neither of you cared. You were safe and warm, wrapped in the comfort of your blankets and each other’s arms.

**_Oh, you’re in my veins, and I cannot get you out_ **

**_No, I cannot get you out…_ **


End file.
